I don’t know why I wanted to grow up as a kid. Growing up isn’t fun. Growing up sucks so bad. Growing up isn’t driving to the mall in a pink Volkswagen with my friends in the back seat like how I thought it would be when I was ten. Growing up is rejection. It’s every adult judging you and every kid fearing you and everyone your own age misinterpreting you and it’s you despising yourself. Despising your body and your decisions and your writing and all the stupid things in your town and the people you see everyday. Growing up to me is seeing how people don’t care about you, how everyone is just looking out for themselves, and then you start to do that too. But I am tired of people telling me what to do when I don’t want to be like them anyways. Growing up is falling into this seemingly inevitable routine that no one really wants to do! I don’t understand why our survival is based on these trivial man made creations, these machines, rules, regulations, chemicals, we’re destroying the planet, we’re destroying ourselves by all these lifestyle diseases, is aimless apathy one of them? Some people can do it but they must be unaware, they must be numb and they must not care, but I do! Sometimes I wish I couldn’t see it! Sometimes I wish i didn’t know the difference, but I do. It’s like I can see these ghosts that some people can’t. They go into rooms with them and have parties but they scare me when I’m near and I struggle in their presence. I don’t about all of this. I don’t know about today. Could I really reject it all? Is it even possible? I used to think it was but I’m not too sure. I’m not too sure I could live that way, with just my beans and oranges, what I grow myself. I don’t know if I could make it with out money. You need it just to buy seeds, and the fact that it’s made from trees is the biggest irony. There’s just no words.